Sound the Alarm! She's Got Clementines!

On my way to Switzerland, I changed planes in Washington D.C., and though I was scheduled to spend all of two hours in the United State of America, I was obliged to spend almost as much time in US customs. (I guess they have a big problem with Canadians selling duty-free marajuana at US airports.)

I've always been truthful beyond my own better interests, so when they asked if I had agriculture products, I checked "Yes," naively supposing that even US customs would not make an issue over five clementines from Morocco.

Well.

They somberly led me to the agriculture office, where this stern-faced security guy gave me the "shame, shame" glare, and now, oh, my darling clementines are lost and gone forever.

Now this is of course a lamentable loss of clementines from Morocco, but you can never be too careful. This is why I advise you all to lie on your US customs forms, even though I'll probably get red-flagged for writing this.

I'm sure the American people breathed easier to know the offending fruit was detonated when they heard, on the evening news, that customs seized five clementines from Morroco. (And they didn't even know those clementines were injected with Anthrax, Mad Cow, and cheap Canadian beer.)